Beware of Deadly ‘MY’
MY of Daughter-in-law divides family. MY of Caste divides the people. MY of Religion divides society. MY of Country divides Humanity. . . . A bitter truth about life
Born with ‘my’, man struggles for his ‘my’
through all his living years and at the end of day, the ghost of 'my' leaves the
body of man only in crematorium or burial ground
By Mukesh Sharma
My is a
bridge through which a man/woman crosses over the ever streaming river of
society to reach the subject/object of happiness. What food is to body,
happiness is to mind. Happiness is a relative emotion that essentially emanates
from inseparable in-built ‘my’ of oneself. Comparatively, stronger my gives
happiness and weaker my leads to jealousy and sorrow. Happiness attached to
material object is ephemeral as every material thing has its age. Through the
journey of life, the object/subject of happiness keep changing until the bitter
end. This ‘my’ is indeed deadly
This compulsive ‘My’ is born with one’s birth –
my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister and so on. 'My’ grows with age ; its circumference continues to get larger and larger – from my bottle, my balloon
to my school, my class, my teacher, my bus when one enters the primary school
with the ‘bag’ of 'my.'
 |
| Beware of deadly ‘MY’ |
Further,
when ‘My’ studies at secondary school. It catches roots in the soil of
self-assertion and individuality. Here ‘My’ becomes choosy; it develops
unexplained likes and dislikes. And with the development of secondary
characteristics – moustache, beard in boys and breast in girls, My graviates towards
opposite sex. No escape from natural instinct.
Obsession
strengthens My. Insinuation strengthens the desires. At this juncture, he-My falls
in love with the she-My. Both struggles to claim on each other. Both become
possessive. Their relation is usually described by well coined phrase ‘My girlfriend/My
boyfriend not recognized by any socially recognized nomenclature particularly,
in Indian society.
With the
advent of youth, dreams and goals add new dimension to My. Both he-My and
she-My, part ways, in the most of cases, for the fulfilment of dreams, realization
of goals. Of course, the crush continues to last. Unfulfilled desires are
stronger than fulfilled ones. Notwith standing, compromise is the buzzword for
the successful life.
So with the
heavy baggage of dreams, lucky My move into college/university. Honored with
degrees, few opt to look after family business, a few manage to get lucrative
jobs in MNC and blessed ones clear the govt exams and become ‘respected' government
servants – good job security, timely good salary , no accountability and chances of handsome ‘earning’
through bribes and cuts if one gets appointed in wet departments.
In this shuffle of life, hundred of thousands fall wayside
and end up as a fodder for the private limited companies particularly in India.
However, with the blessings of deity of luck, working hard in providentially given favorable circumstances, a few shine like stars on the horizon and are
known as Sunder Pichai, Neeraj Chopra, Gautam Adani, Amitabh Bachchan, Narendra
Modi and so on. The blessed are born with silver spoon but majority of
successful people acquire silver spoon by dint of hard work and perseverance.
Anyway,
lets come back to commoners' journey of My. As a suitor, a young successful man
wishes to marry a woman of his dream. Lucky few run into such partners during journey of life and for the others parents launch intensive search as if they can write the destiny of their son/daughter.
Ceaseless efforts eventually zero in on prospective daughter in law/son in law.
Marriage is solemnized and celebrated with all pomp and show to stoke the envy
of relatives/friends. Both groom’s family and bride’s family do their best to
their respective capacities and status. Both have ‘great expectations’ .
Keeping
fingers crossed, Grooms family wishes that ‘Bahu' ( daughter-in-law) will respect and care for all
the elders and youngers; give new strength to family relations, mix up like
sugar in milk and become the part of family sharing happiness and sorrow. In
turn Bride’s family also wishes that their ‘princess’ will become Queen of their
son-in-law; she will get all the respect and love of all the members. After
all, she has to carry forward the lineage of the family.
But at this
juncture, the dictum – man proposes, God disposes appears to register its
strong presence, particularly, where ‘bahu’ has to live in a joint family –
Saas (mother-in-law), Sasur (father-in-law) and unmarried Devar
(brother-in-law), leave aside separated and settled married ‘Nand’
(sister-in-law) married Jeth and Jethanis (brother-in law and sister-in-law).
Surprisingly
enough statistics reveal that in majority of cases, in so called joint
families, ‘Bahu’ the Queen of her hubby without uttering a word, declares herself the Queen of the family, the Monarch living on her own terms,
desiring undisputable submission to her free will/dictat. Though in the big
suitcase of My of Bahu which is already packed with my mother, my father, my
brother and my sister, she manages to make some space in the corner to put up
her wedded husband, but no space for the other members of the family of in law’s
house.
Research
reveals that the fake comparison is the weapon used by 'Bahu' to demean and discredit 'Saas', 'Sasur,' and other members. “I have never used sarson oil, we use only desi ghee
to cook vegetables; we use brown sugar only; we use liquid soap to bathe in my
parent house; we have maids to make food, and to do other household chores. I
don’t know how to cook food, I use branded things only and blah blah. . ." usual jibes used by Bahu braggingly, and such petty things are made issue with ulterior motives. Bahu doesn't become part of the family , she makes family her part instead. And these are the grounds of grudges in most of the households. She may have done all the
chores in her parents' house but here in law’s house, she behaves
like a Queen giving order to her 'retinues'. Nothing to do with the middle class saving and survival theory. Her ‘My’
includes only her husband and her sexy bed room. No admission without permission.
The poor
parents of Bahu’s husband all of a sudden feel that 'Saas' is no longer the Woman
of House, Sasur is no longer Man of the House. The law which is heavily loaded
in favor ‘Bahu’ make them to suffer silently. Even the darling son of hapless
parents who was brought up like a prince and was given the best, dances to the tune of his wife – rules are made on bed during night and
the most men surrender to women’s will. Eventually, joint family is
disintegrated. The unfortunate parents perforce to leave house and trudge their way to some Old Care homes. ‘Virtue
has its own reward? This is the common story in hundreds of Household. And story doesn't end here. Bahu, in turn, also falls victims of 'my' of her own Bahu when she becomes old enough to become a Saas. Tit for tat.
Senior citizens population in India is around 8.6 percent as per 2011 census. The HelpAge India says old homes are on the rise in India.
This deadly
My is a silent and somber enemy of mankind on this earth. ‘My’ religion leads
to massacre; My caste leads to feud and honor killings; My country leads to
war. This ‘My’ has divided man; divided families; divided societies, divided countries. No doubt
one day this My will make the human extinct from the earth and destroy the god’s
earth without trace.
Born with ‘my’, man struggles for his ‘my’
through all his living years and at the end of day, the ghost of 'my' leaves the
body of man only in crematorium or burial ground.
Beware of
this deadly My!
