Monkey Business of English-teaching

Beyond Smoke Screen

Monkey Business of English-teaching

To Crown all, encashing on the mentality of English hungry students, a few well established English newspapers have also launched online English teaching programme. It sounds like teaching someone driving through correspondence course

By Mukesh Sharma

With turnover thousands of crores, English teaching is evergreen business right from Kanyakumari to Jammu & Kashmir in India. While the majority of English speaking aspirants of such nondescript so-called institutes remain disgruntled, the stream of fresh students continues like the ever increasing population of India. And despite all the confusion and poor result, the monkey business of English teaching goes on and on   -  it is neither affected by lax economy nor low GDP.

Monkey Business of English-teaching

The root of this English learning mania can be traced to 200 years of British subjugation of India. Language of the rulers always affects the psyche of the ruled. Slaves often imitate the masters. The dent was so deep and diverse that it could not be mended even after 72 years of Independence. Some scholars contend that the survival of English is not just because of the British influence but the need of multi-lingual India where English serves as a bridge language among Indians of different tongues.

However, the situation has come to such a pass that English is not just an ordinary language. It has become a symbol of class; a symbol of status; a symbol of intellect in India. The people at lower strata of society struggle to join the elite English speaking class. English aspirants get mesmerized by Queen’s English of people like Shashi Tharoor. They are big fan of a man who, allegedly, has scant regard for Hindi or Hinduism.

To Crown all, encashing the mentality of English hungry students, a few well established English newspapers have also launched online English teaching programme. It sounds like teaching someone driving through correspondence course.

Apart from that, one can come across ‘English-speaking’ institutes in every third street of small towns and big cities in India. Tall claims are made  -  each institute has its own self-certified pedagogy. The majority of institutes assert to teach English in a few months through Grammar, translation and mugged up vocabulary. In fact, English is treated as a subject that has a fixed syllabus/curriculum like other subjects; it is not taught as a language which is a means of communication,  is related to life, religion nature, universe and God. As a result, based on rote-learning, students learn English as a subject to pass out the academic exams or any competitive exams. They never learn English as a language which is, essentially, a part of life. As an accredited Journalist, this writer has been to many countries, and even lived in US too for a long time where he was allotted Social Security Number to perform his duty. So, this author has first-hand experience to observe and study ‘English’ of native speakers in US and UK.

A close study reveals that words are sounds that symbolically represent something material or abstract. Sentences which are action based, are composed to denote what is happening. In other words, a language can be picked up through relative understanding of words and sentences to material life only. This is how a native speaker picks up his or her mother tongue without even the knowledge of so-called grammar or without even learning  to write and read. As one grows up in a particular tongue, the relative words and sentences get settled in the mind with pictorial memory through repetitive use. There may be hundreds of people in US or UK who are not able to write or read but still they speak correct English, of course, as Hindi or any other Indian language is spoken in India.

Obviously, the wanting method for teaching English as a second language has led to wide spread confusion, particularly in lower strata of society. Fake English and Hinglish have become very popular. Elite English or standardized English which is used by English newspapers and professionals, and that also makes the basis of English paper in all the competitive exams, have become rather a problem for a sizable number of English learning aspirants.

In the light of his experience and research work, this writer can vouchsafe that the best way to learn any language is to live among the native speaker of that language. But when one tries to learn it at a place where it is not the language of the common man, the right way to learn it through syntax  –  the Morphology of English sentences, and Semantics – how a ‘verb’ collocates with a  ‘noun’ and how an ‘adjective’ pairs with a ‘noun’, and produce standardized ‘phrase’. The easiest way is to map mother tongue on English syntax, and learn to think, may be, in mother tongue but as per the interpreted equivalent Hindi sentence of English syntax e.g.

“If neta were to resign, he would have resigned.”

“ If she were to marry you, she would have married.”

The above mentioned syntax is one of the standardized syntaxes of English language. Close to such syntax, one can think of scores of sentences in English. And the same can be followed for other syntaxes also.

Mind you, English, predominantly, is a language of phrases and idioms. The meaning of a singled out word in a sentence may be different from its  lexical meaning. The solution to this problem lies in the knowledge of a few hundred  key words/root words. (here, the term ‘root word’( should not be misconstrued with latin/Greek origin). The ‘Root words’ collocate with other words and produce standardized ‘Verb phrases’, ‘Noun phrases’ or ‘Idiomatic phrases’ which are extensively used in English Newspaper, Competitive Exams and by the English in daily life. In the same way,  good knowledge of Root Words helps to build up vocabulary 10-20k. Study reveals that to speak good English one need just 500-1000 words; to be a writer 1000-4000 words, the great English playwright Shakespeare used 8000 words, and average English newspaper uses just 2000 words, and rest is sheer repetition.

Once Lord Macaulay made a statement in the Parliament of England:

“I have drafted such an education system for the Indian subjects that after 70 years, there would be black English who would have little sympathy for vernacular tongues, and would be fit to follow rather unfit to think.”

Evidently enough, Indian examination system which is based on rote-learning, robs students of thinking power  – they eat what there are served; they don’t know how to cook. It is maintained that a slave population is on the rise in India. It has become rather a society of followers than thinkers.

What is more, the plight of thoroughly confused students is like the situation of a blind man who is looking for a black hat in a dark room which is not there.

It is common knowledge that hustling is the staple diet of the most of the business in India. So monkey business of English teaching is flourishing like anything.

English, Incomprehensible Like a woman

Humour

English, Incomprehensible Like a Woman

Her moist juicy lips with cryptic smile superseding the smile of Monalisa of Leonardo De Vinci; the bulging bolstering breast that can make even a devout Muslim a pagan; well carved out waist surpassing the skill of Michel Angelo; her swing and swagger overtaking the beats of Beethoven

By Mukesh Sharma

Of course, it is a flabby fact! To majority of English aspirants learning English as a second language, particularly, from Hindi heartland, the most coveted English is like the inscrutable and incomprehensible legendary Menaka seducing rishi Vishwamitra. The naive so-called the lovers of English fall in love with the seemingly sleek and slim English at the very first gaze. But the gloating love remains unrequited, for, English wards off their all the overtures and advances ruthlessly. And like the jilted lover, the hapless lots continue to hold torch for the coquettish English until their last breath.

The spurned and obsessed lovers first try to understand the ‘anatomy’ of English – the curves and contour; her flowing auburn hair; glowing face with attractive mien and arresting eyes; her moist juicy lips with cryptic smile superseding the smile of Monalisa of Leonardo De Vinci; the bulging bolstering breast that can make even a devout Muslim a pagan; well carved out waist surpassing the skill of Michel Angelo; her swing and swagger overtaking the beats of Beethoven; the hallowed navel, an epicentre of attraction making a bystander imagine that the heaven is not far off; even to a casual onlooker, English appears like living mannequin of erotica.

The majority of so called ‘language trainers’ claim that the thorough knowledge of grammatical rules ‑ noun, pronoun, adjective, verb, adverb, preposition, conjunction and interjection coupled with understanding of tenses - present indefinite .... modals.... can bring an English aspirant close to English. But all this turn out to be the tall claims of Indian netas. However, western scholars contend that English grammar is wanting. It may help to woo but not win the heart of English. The well known English writer Thomas Carlyle goes a step further and says: “Best grammarian are the worst writer and the best writers are the worst grammarian.”

Interestingly enough, English aspirants are legion. They are ready to pay any fee. English speaking course is a flourishing business with collective turnover of crores of rupees in India. What is more, in the most of competitive exams for government services conducted by SSC, UPSC, etc , English paper is mandatory. Sheer nodding acquaintances with English don’t work. Irrespective of all the affirmations, English is the unassailable language of elitist class and ruling class. Article 348 of the Indian Constitution clearly states that English shall be the official language in High Courts and Supreme Court. So the respected mother tongue remains at the mercy of English.

Further, to take advantage of the psyche of dejected aspirants, some self styled ‘teachers’ have even shunned their Indian names and have ‘baptised’ themselves with English sounding names without any ‘Church service’ so that they can pass them off as a ‘next of kin’ of English, and draw and fool the flock. It is a common sight in well known hub of coaching centres at Mukherjee Nagar, North Delhi. “It is a mandi of English”, says a local property dealer ironically. The most of the such so called English gurus claim to be the great grammarian having so phenomenal knowledge of English that they can find mistakes even in English of Shakespeare and Wordsworth. Amusingly and seemingly being blissfully ignorant of the stature of the word ‘Sir’, these ‘gurus’ suffix their names with ‘Sir’.

Among the Indian, the attraction of English is more than the gravitational pull of Jupiter. To them, it is the symbol of status; symbol of class; symbol of intellect. Hon’ble MP Shashi Tharoor mesmerises the ‘crowd’ with his flowery English and accent. Over the years, Republic TV Editor Arnab Goswami has carved out a niche in the hearts of the ‘herd’ with his bold and bullish English.

Despite all English gurus there is a sizable number of students who are not able to either understand or know the ‘custom’ of ‘English’, and such people turn ‘misogynist’- hater of English. She is allegedly rated as a woman of loose morals. Such people argue that the rampant flirtation of English has led to several illegitimate progeny - American English, British English, Canadian English, Welsh English, Irish English, Indian English etc. Some self proclaimed linguists maintain that though genetically related to Sanskrit, English has made off with words from almost all the languages and stands as the most corrupted. Even celebrated Anglo Irish satirist and author of Gulliver’s Travels Jonathan Swift also endorses the view. And the latest jibe against English has been made by none other than the Hon’ble Vice President of India M Venkaiah Naidu: “English is like an illness left behind by the British.”

Anyway, in the light of all these inconclusive never ending squabble, the much sought after love-lady English remains incomprehensive despite all the clash and crush.