Of Wayward Words

(Humour)

Of Wayward Words

More coquettish than the sulking girl friend; it is easier to persuade her than the words

By Mukesh Sharma

After the unseen so-called omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent god, the three ‘abstract’ nouns which remain incomprehensible and inscrutable to the most of moron men like this blogger too throughout their fugitive like span, are: World, Women and Words.

The Way of the World remains unknown to celebrated playwright like William Congreves. Renowned Indian scribe Khuswant Singh said to have died at a matured age with lots of confusions about women. And the words are still a mystery for the most of the people and populace across the world. Expressing his doubts, even a learned writer W.Somerset Maughm says:

“I often think how much easier life would have been for me and how much time I would have saved if I had known the alphabet. I can never tell where I and J stand without G, H to myself first”

like words, cocking a snook

In this man known universe, everything is a word. The man knows nothing that is not a word. The man tries to know and understand everything through words only. The knowledge is acquired through words; it is transferred from one generation to other through words. Even the almighty God is at the mercy of the words. The man can’t think of a life or existence without words. It is the words that separate this two-legged so-called man from other creatures of vast animal kingdom.

Words are nothing but the distinctive sounds. And sounds often dissipate in space. To stop this, the man has tried to give shapes to each sound what these different shapes are called words. It is the sound and shapes that have helped the man to get so-called civilized in comparison to other animals.

Love is a word. Sex is a word. Man is a word. Woman is a word. Marriage is a word. Child is a word. Family is a word. Society is a word. Government is a word. This world is a word. All celestial objects  are mere words. Even the God is a word.

The startling fact is that it is not easy to propitiate words, and earn their blessings. However, there are three categories of the people who are the blessed friends of the words -  Indian Baba, smart Businessman and  wily Neta, found across the world.

To a Baba (so-called religious guru), the words come naturally. In the choicest words, he evokes the emotions of the unsuspecting masses. His well crafted words couched in some parables and fables touch the chord. With the help of words, a Baba can make followers believe that he is God unto himself; he can emancipate them from all the ills of the life; he can make their life heaven. Mesmerized with the words of the Baba, the disciples listen the discourse with rather suspended disbelief as movies are watched, and surrender their soul to ‘devil’. The fall out of this all is many a Babas has been accused of sexual assault, sexual abuse and rape, and now incarcerated in jails. However, come what may, there is no dearth of their disciples who still believe that their gurus are god-incarnates and have been falsely implicated.

Next in the line is businessman. Blessed with words’ blessings almost all the successful businessmen right from small-time to tycoon, all know how to use the standardized words to get Yes Power. A businessman knows how to use words purposefully – if can’t convince, he confuses; if can’t confuse, he corrupts. His Yes Power is phenomenal. He is a practical Dale Carneige. Well versed with power of words, he knows how to use the right words  at right place and at the right time. And he touches the dizzy height just because of the undue favour of the words.

The second last in the list is the most blessed rather a blue-eyed boy of the words so-called Neta. He is the master player in using the words as a juggler shows his feats with the sleight of his hands. None can beat a neta in the art of circumlocution, elocution, sophism, rhetorics and demagogy. He lies convincingly. He can ‘die’ for the country without touching the ground. He can be declared martyred without firing or receiving a bullet. Even a PhD can’t stand against the gift of the gab. Like a warrior, a neta goes on the  stage; he speaks out and conquers the crowd. And analogy can be drawn from Julius Caesar: “He came, he saw, he conquered.” Not only that it is well said: “One who conquers the stage, conquers the word.”

A neta, perhaps, has an inbuilt qualities to tease out the wool and knit a sweater. He remains in full command of himself and his audience. As a dealer in ‘hopes’, he manufactures ‘hope’ faster than any mint plant printing currency. ‘Hope’ is a deadly weapon to tame the crowd. No need to fulfill. Hope often feeds on hope, and it is the staple diet of the common man.

Among all above blessed lots, the hapless writers/scribes are the least blessed. Like a pagan, a pen-pusher has to propitiate the words; invoke the muse. Despite all devotion and dedication, words don’t smile on them easily. Sometimes, words lay pliant in the arms of the thoughts of a writer but it is not necessary that they will reach the orgasm.

To a writer,  words never come straight. They come in the form of Simile – a literary challenge to bring a comparison between two objects of different kinds (she fought like a tigress). As a Metaphor, an implied simile but not simile (she was lioness in the fight). Lure of Personification is well known to all the scribes – treating inanimate object and abstract nouns as living being (laughter holding both her sides). Apostrophe, a direct address to the dead, to the absent or to a personified object or idea ( O Death, be my refuge). Hyperbole, to make an emphatic statement (if river were dry, I would fill it with tears). Euphemism, the description of a disagreeable thing by an agreeable name (it is a fairy tale). Antithesis, to bring about a contrast of words or sentiments in a sentence (man proposes, God disposes). Oxymoron, where two contradictory qualities are predicted at once of the same thing (people accept the kind cruelty of a surgeon’s knife). Epigram, a quip to attract the attention (child is the father of the man). Irony, where the real meaning is exactly the opposite if what has been conveyed literally (and Brutus is an hon’ble man). Pun, to produce the ludicrous effect (life depends on liver). Synecdoche, to designate the whole to designate the part (she has many months to feed). Transferred Epithet to transfer an adjective from its proper word to another (I passed a sleepless night). Litotes to convey an affirmative by negation of the opposite (the man is no fool). Rhetorical Question to ask a question for question sake (am I an Indian here). Exclamation to draw an attention to something. (what a piece of work is Modi). Climax to arrange idea in ascending order. And Anticlimax to show the sudden descent from higher to lower in order to satire or ridicule.

A writer always remains at war like India with its ever mounting population. Even Chanakya Niti fails in the matter of words. To an ever struggling scribe, words remain WAYWARD like a footlose teenager. It is easier to persuade a sulking girl friend than the words.