(Humour)
Farting Netas
A neta can stoop to any extent to win the farting competition; when arguments cease farts begin
By Mukesh Sharma
Though all the Homo sapiens make wind and that everyone knows, exits from the right place, a neta is an advanced version of man, and he can fart not only from natural hole provided by the nature but also from the mouth. Over the years, the stock of such ‘super human’ neta is on the rise, particularly, in India.
Some fart like the hiss of a snake. It is a warning to stay away; the next move is to squirt deadly poison. Some fart like the sputter of fire-crackers. It is like a caution to be careful; a pre-emptive strike. Some fart loud like the sound of bugle; it is like declaration of a war on the adamant adversaries who are supposedly, responsible for their present pitiable plight from good to bad. The most dangerous of all these farting netas, is the one who while farting, doesn’t make any sound and releases such an ‘evil’ smell that can send millions into concussion without the aid of anesthesia.
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| Farting Neta |
A neta has a phenomenal farting capacity. He can chew and fart out at the same time; a divine digestive powers! His fart is more threatening than gunfire; the bark is more harmful than bite. Unlike a common man, a neta can fart at anytime and at any place as per his convenience and comfort; he is ever ready like a terrorist who waits the chances to sabotage. A common man can face police, ED, CBI or any other agency but not the fear of fart of a neta.
To a neta, the best place to fart is the Press Conference. Whenever, he has an urge, he calls the press conference; TV channels and newspapers are always ready to get the whiff of the fart of a celebrated neta; a good fart is the staple diet of the media, for, it adds to TRP (television rating point).
Yet another right place for the fart is the rally where the people from underclass gather in return for cash and kind; it is a mobile crowd; one day it may be with one neta and the other day with another. Anyway, it helps a neta to create an illusory perception that he is a popular neta. What a neta doesn’t understand is a neta is temporary but the people are permanent.
The world over, India is known as a country of festivals – from Holi through Eid and Christmas to Kumbh Mela. But all these festivals are for the commoners. So-called hon’ble netas celebrate a very special festival that is called Fart Festival. Unlike the festivals of common people, which fall on fixed day every year, it comes after every five years. It is celebrated by the netas with all fury and fervor, for; it can make or mar the future of a neta.
This year, the much awaited fart Festival is being celebrated in five states in India – Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, Chhattisgarh, Mizoram & Telangana; assembly elections are due in the states this year.
Netas of all political hues are on the pitch; they think that their quality farts can get them to a seat of power to loot and boot people for five years. So a fierce competition is going on for the farts to demolish and discredit the opponents; the competition seems tougher than UPSC exam.
Succeed by hook or crook is the buzzword. A neta can stoop to any extent to win this fart competition; when arguments cease farts begin.
Though there is no dearth of good ‘fartmen’ in any political party, the so called Indian National Congress is the frontrunner; divested of power after 70 long years, it (INC) has lost its mental balance; bereft of real issues, it has allegedly started manufacturing lies with concoction and conspiracy to nail down PM Modi, the most ‘feared’ man by the opposition as ‘animals’ fear the lion in jungle.
Happy in the knowledge that India is the largest democracy in the world, and Indian constitution provides the guarantee for Freedom of Expression (Act 19), netas think they can ‘defecate’ and ‘piss’ anywhere as they want.
Mani Shankar Aiyar, a seasoned neta of Congress, decrepit by age calls Hon’ble PM Modi “neech” (a man of base origin). A Congress MLA Praneeti Shinde (daughter of Sushil Shinde, the former Home Minister in UPA Government) calls Modi “Dengue Mosquito”. A protégé of Rahul Gandhi and Vadgam (Gujrat) MLA, Jignesh Mewani crosses all the limit and calls PM “namak haram”. Angrez of India and so called Hon’ble MP Shashi Tharoor never loses the opportunity to use ‘invectives’ against PM Modi since the initiation of Criminal proceedings in “Sunanda Murder Case.” To top all, the “loose tongue” “Pappu” calls Modi “chor”.
People know the truth about these farting netas. Farting netas have nothing to do with national or public interest. They fart rigorously and vigorously for self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. In fact, all these fartmen are scared of mystic Modi – a Yogi who knows how to control the ‘wind’, breathe in and breathe out. He knows how to romp a race.
