Democracy, a Well Organized Hypocrisy

Democracy, a Well Organized Hypocrisy

“It is the government  of the netas, by the netas, for the netas”

By Mukesh Sharma

When India got freedom from the clutches of the Britisher, China was said to be lagging behind by 60 years in comparison to India because of certain developmental works and infrastructure like railways, roads, Institutions etc. carried out by British regime in then India, and today, as the facts reveal, China must be 100 years ahead of India in almost all the fields. Even after 72 years of Independence, unofficially, over 45 per cent populace is below the poverty line, battling for life in the morass of hunger and poverty. Though these hopeless and hapless masses, euphemistically are called as ‘masters’ in democratic dispensation and their elected representatives as ‘servants of masters,’ the ‘masters’ reel under abject poverty, and the ‘servants’ roll in riches. Undoubtedly, democracy sounds to be a well organized hypocrisy, particularly, in India.

Democracy, a Well Organized Hypocrisy

As an answer to tyrannical rules of predestined Kings and Queens who used to have divine right to rule their subjects in savage world, perhaps some victimized or a public spirited mind must have coined the most attractive word ‘DEMOCRACY’ in good faith.

Meaning of Democracy

Scholars maintain that the term ‘democracy’ first appeared in ancient Greek; it originates from ‘demos’ (common people) and ‘kratos’ (strength) where Cleisthenes is referred to as “the father of Athenian democracy.”  Wikipedia says “Democracy means rule by the people.” Further, one of the most revered and a renowned president of America Abhram Lincoln spells it out tersely as “the Government of the people, by the people, for the people”.

However, common people argue that the democracy seems ‘safe and sound’ on the pages of holy ‘Rule Book’ only; out of the book, she (democracy) is only abused, misused and disused. In the name of democracy handful of able bodied and minded people manage to grab the power by their ‘poly-tricks’, and shrewdly call themselves ‘servants of people; they live like kings and the people remain at the mercy of their ‘servants’.

Lucrative business

Over the years, politics has become the most lucrative and the most-sought after business; no material investment except ‘TIME’, and assured unaccountable wealth. No business gives such huge returns. Though this GRAVY TRAIN attracts everyone, only careerist politicians with political link and muscle power manage to ‘board’ it. Of course, a few exceptions are always there.

As per the Election Commission report, there are 1866 registered political parties. Out of these, 56 are recognized as registered national or state parties. The people allege that the most of the political parties are like private limited companies headed by the self-appointed ‘chairman’ and ‘directors’. These political parties are run like family business; the title is always passed on to son or daughter of the family. With muscle and money power, the family members of the family develop a ‘pocket borough’ so-called ‘constituency’. They continue to get elected years after years and become an ‘institution’ in politics. Even if by some quirk of fate, they happen to lose an election, they manage to enter the Parliament through ‘back door’ (Rajya Sabha).

Demi Gods

Since there is no restriction in the formation of political parties, there is plethora of political parties in India that has marred the democracy;  votes are divided. And after election, such small parties gang-up to share the ‘loot’. The poor electorate have no SAY in the well chalked out SYSTEM loaded heavily in favour of netas; no provision of referendum; no rule to recall a non-performer representative. It is a crime to speak against an ‘elected representative’ at least for five years; they are not accountable to anybody; they become demi-gods.

Free-loaders

India is a country of under-class and free loaders. Except a few blessed, the majority of the youth are jobless or not gainfully employed. They just scrape through the life. Such youth are easy prey of these ‘gangs’. They ‘recruit’ them as members. The youth join these ‘gangs’ for an identity tags. Such youth are used to organize rally, bandh, etc. as per the directives of the ‘directors’ of the ‘companies’. And such companies continue to thrive because of their clouts and alleged ‘extortions’ from the unknown sources; crime and corruption go hand-in hand. The free-loaders and public extortionists continue to get richer and richer. It is open secret that almost all the political parties have crores of rupees in their coffers beyond the reach of Income Tax Department, with no material business.

No Free Votes

What is noteworthy, if any candidate is elected on the ticket of any ‘gang’, irrespective of social or national interest, he or she will have to toe the ‘party line, and look after the interest of the party (chairman and directors). Thus he/she becomes a prisoner within the party. He has no FREE VOTES. Even in British Parliament elected representative have FREE VOTES; they can express their views in national or social interests and can vote also even against their own party. So is in US, but not in India. That is why unruly scenes are witnessed in the Parliament. ‘Debates’ look like ‘gang-fight’.

See-saw Game

In the eye of the world, elections are held regularly after every five years. Mainline ‘gangs’ handpick candidates as per their worth and benefit, the party can drive out of their clout, and these candidates are imposed on the electorate. If you can’t avoid rape, enjoy it. On the Election Day, out of despair, the people line up to vote to teach a lesson to sitting MLA/MP who usually betrays the trust of the people, resulting in the election of the opposite candidate. It is like a sea-saw game; if one is down, the other comes up. Ironically, thus elected candidate declares himself as a popular leader of the masses. His ‘victory is celebrated by the ‘party’ workers for the ‘spoil system’, not by the people. Professionals call this anti-incumbency. Thus governments after governments are changed after every five years. Grasping netas get richer and richer and the poor populace continues to hope against hope for betterment but in vain; however democracy goes on and on.

Perception

Here the role of so-called FOURTH ESTATE (media) is also not beyond doubts. It is national misfortune that the most of the newspapers/TV channels are partisan. In collusion with netas, they, allegedly, side with one party or the other. They are no longer servants of light; they are no longer surrogate of public opinion; they remain busy in creating the PERCEPTION either in favour or against a neta/party. It is all business; everything has a price-tag in this materialistic world. If God governs people by belief, netas with the perception.

Degeneration

Degeneration of democracy has come to such a pass that any political party with no mandate can form the government. Netas call it the ‘game’ of numbers. Anyone who has never contested any Lok Sabha election, can become PM.

Hopefully, valued readers would agree that the duty of the elected government is to use collective wisdom of parliamentarians and earn wealth for the nation and use it for the welfare of the electorate (people). Professionals might dismiss it as an inverted snobbery, but people do maintain, it is not democracy but mockery of democracy.

Our constitution starts with the phrase ‘we the people’. But irony is ‘people’ are nowhere except on the day of election and after that they are just a scrap. Man on the street alleges “it is government of the netas, by the netas, for the netas.” Evidently enough, Democracy is a well organized hypocrisy in India.

Farting Netas

(Humour)

Farting Netas

A neta can stoop to any extent to win the farting competition; when arguments cease farts begin

By Mukesh Sharma

Though all the Homo sapiens make wind and that everyone knows, exits from the right place, a neta is an advanced version of man, and he can fart not only from natural hole provided by the nature but also from the mouth. Over the years, the stock of such ‘super human’ neta is on the rise, particularly, in India.

Some fart like the hiss of a snake. It is a warning to stay away; the next move is to squirt deadly poison. Some fart like the sputter of fire-crackers. It is like a caution to be careful; a pre-emptive strike. Some fart loud like the sound of bugle; it is like declaration of a war on the adamant adversaries who are supposedly, responsible for their present pitiable plight from good to bad. The most dangerous of all these farting netas, is the one who while farting, doesn’t make any sound and releases such an ‘evil’ smell that can send millions into concussion without the aid of anesthesia.

Farting Neta

A neta has a phenomenal farting capacity. He can chew and fart out at the same time; a divine digestive powers! His fart is more threatening than gunfire; the bark is more harmful than bite. Unlike a common man, a neta can fart at anytime and at any place as per his convenience and comfort; he is ever ready like a terrorist who waits the chances to sabotage. A common man can face police, ED, CBI or any other agency but not the fear of fart of a neta.

To a neta, the best place to fart is the Press Conference. Whenever, he has an urge, he calls the press conference; TV channels and newspapers are always ready to get the whiff of the fart of a celebrated neta; a good fart is the staple diet of the media, for, it adds to TRP (television rating point).

Yet another right place for the fart is the rally where the people from underclass gather in return for cash and kind; it is a mobile crowd; one day it may be with one neta and the other day with another. Anyway, it helps a neta to create an illusory perception that he is a popular neta. What a neta doesn’t understand is a neta is temporary but the people are permanent.

The world over, India is known as a country of festivals – from Holi through Eid and Christmas to Kumbh Mela. But all these festivals are for the commoners. So-called hon’ble netas celebrate a very special festival that is called Fart Festival. Unlike the festivals of common people, which fall on fixed day every year, it comes after every five years. It is celebrated by the netas with all fury and fervor, for; it can make or mar the future of a neta.

This year, the much awaited fart Festival is being celebrated in five states in India –  Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, Chhattisgarh, Mizoram & Telangana; assembly elections are due in the states this year.

Netas of all political hues are on the pitch; they think that their quality farts can get them to a seat of power to loot and boot people for five years. So a fierce competition is going on for the farts to demolish and discredit the opponents; the competition seems tougher than UPSC exam.

Succeed by hook or crook is the buzzword. A neta can stoop to any extent to win this fart competition; when arguments cease farts begin.

Though there is no dearth of good ‘fartmen’ in any political party, the so called Indian National Congress is the frontrunner; divested of power after 70 long years, it (INC) has lost its mental balance; bereft of real issues, it has allegedly started manufacturing lies with concoction and conspiracy to nail down PM Modi, the most ‘feared’ man by the opposition as ‘animals’ fear the lion in jungle.

Happy in the knowledge that India is the largest democracy in the world, and Indian constitution provides the guarantee for Freedom of Expression (Act 19), netas think they can ‘defecate’ and ‘piss’ anywhere as they want.

Mani Shankar Aiyar, a seasoned neta of Congress, decrepit by age  calls Hon’ble PM Modi “neech” (a man of base origin). A Congress MLA Praneeti Shinde (daughter of Sushil Shinde, the former Home Minister in UPA Government)  calls  Modi “Dengue Mosquito”. A protégé of  Rahul Gandhi and Vadgam (Gujrat) MLA, Jignesh Mewani crosses all the limit and calls PM “namak haram”. Angrez of India and so called Hon’ble MP Shashi Tharoor never loses the opportunity to use ‘invectives’ against PM Modi since the initiation of Criminal proceedings in “Sunanda Murder Case.” To top all, the “loose tongue” “Pappu” calls Modi “chor”.

 People know the truth about these farting netas. Farting netas have nothing to do with national or public interest. They fart rigorously and vigorously for self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. In fact, all these fartmen are scared of mystic Modi – a Yogi who knows how to control the ‘wind’, breathe in and breathe out. He knows how to romp a race.

Variety of English in India

(Humour)

Variety of English in India

Angles and Saxons, the original native speaker of English would have never thought even in their wildest dream that after US and UK, English would flourish in India; and now a Britisher contends  it may die in America and UK in distant future but would continue to survive in India and the last English knowing man on earth would be an Indian

By Mukesh Sharma

I

ndia is known for its varieties in the world for ages. Besides the people of different sizes and colours, awesome landscape, many religions, varied cuisine, plethora of political parties, qualities of corruption, 22 languages and 720 dialects, India has variety of English too.

Out of circumstantial compulsions, the British, officially, left India on 15 August 1947. But since then, the Indian have been struggling with English left behind by the English.

Perhaps, 200 years of slavery have gone down deep into the DNA of the Indian. Even today, English, a language of the English is held in high esteem. Quips a journalist, “Indians are scared of two things: white skin and English language. In India, English is not simply a language; it is symbol of status; a symbol of class; a symbol of intellect.”

A close study reveals that in India, English can be classified into four categories: Fake English, Hinglish, Elite English and Queen’s English as shown in the diagram below:

Out of no other option and resigned to their fate, over 55 per cent people have been struggling for independence from the prison of poverty. They live in famished villages. They toil from dawn to dusk to live off their small pieces of atrophied land. Still the bullock plough the field. Still the hapless farmers are at the mercy of rain God, Indra.

Happy with their respective vernacular tongues/dialects, they know nothing about English. The bitter truth is they are not even in the swing of the things. They are wooed only on the ‘auspicious’ day of voting, and after that they are just a scrap.

Fake English

To an outsider, it (fake English) sounds like English but it is not English. It is the literal translation of Hindi sentences into broken English. 25 per cent people speak Fake English in India. Blissfully ignorant of correct English, they speak fake English with all confidence and composure. They never miss the opportunity to show off their ‘command’ of English. Time to time, even Hindi movies have mocked at the craze and cravings for fake English. In one of the old movies, Namak Halal, the leading man Amitabh Bachchan playing the character of a country man, says:

“I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English because English is very funny language. Bhairo becomes barrio because their minds are very narrow.”

In yet another movie, Bol Bachhan, playing a role of typical Indian, the hero, Ajay Devgun says:

“My chest has become blouse”:

(literal translation of Hindi sentence: meri chhati chodi ho gai hai)

“Brother-in-law will die Tommy’s death tomorrow”

(Translated version of Hindi: Kutte ki maut marega kal)

“When elders get cozy, youngsters don’t put their nosy”

(translated version of Hindi: Jab bade baat kar rahe ho to chhote beech mai nahi bolte)

Obviously, there are scores of such examples in real and reel life. What is more interesting, this blogger has overheard even a few so-called teachers, perhaps, grown up with this fake English segment, using the sentences:

“I will take test tomorrow, come ready.”

(translated version of Hindi: me kal tumhara test lunga, tyaar hoke aana)

“Tomorrow, I will not take class. So you are free.

(translated version of Hindi: kal mei class nahi lunga, islye tum free ho)

Of course, this kind of English may be described, linguistically, as English Creole to the comfort of this large flock.

Hinglish

It is a mixture of English and Hindi. It is popular among urbanities particularly, youngsters. Here English sentences are used with words and sentences from Hindi, and it is used in most of the strata of the Indian society. Study reveals that 17 per cent people use Hinglish in India. Stevan Baker who is resident of India for the last 10 years says:

“Hinglish, a blend of Hindi and English is increasingly common in India and beyond - novels have been written in the language. The Author Shobha De known as “Jackie Collins of India” began to use Hinglish in her writing in 1960s.”

Over the years, obviously, Hinglish has become the exclusive trade mark of the Indian. It has become the language of common parlance amount the socalled educated people. Based on mugged up standardized chunks, a conversation between two person is started off in English, as a stranger but soon, they switch over to Hinglish as two respectable Indians. A student reveals that in Hindi heartland even English literature is being taught by the respected teachers through Hinglish. It is common knowledge that the most of the self-styled teachers who call them language ‘trainer,’ give lessons in ‘English speaking’ through Hinglish only. YouTube is full of such vigorous videos. Hinglish is favorite of radio jockeys and film actors too. Speaks up a radio jockey, “Good morning listeners, I am your friend Ruby (name changed), and today, I have come with a bouquet of ever green old songs jo apke ke dil ko chho lengey.”

Hinglish also plays  an important role in advertisements in India. Almost all multinational companies coin their catchy slogans only in Hinglish. Commenting on advertisement trends, a Copy writer Ashok Chakravarty says:

“Earlier, originally, all advertisements used to be composed in English only and then just translated into Hindi almost as an afterthought; but that method doesn’t work for the vast majority of Indians who know only a smattering of English. You may be understood, but not vibe with. That is why all the MNC now speak Hinglish in their ads.”

Here is a few examples how the MNC blow their own trumpet through catchy tag lines:

“Yeh hi hai right choice baby”

“Yeh dil mange more” – Pepsi

“Come on girls, waqt hai shine karne ka” – Sunsilk

“life ho to aisi – Coca Cola

Needless to say, Indians would be Indians. Nothing touches the chord except mother tongue, Hindi. The Copywriters of MNC know that the Hinglish is the future of advertisement industry in India. Here misrepresentation  of facts which is tantamount to cheating remain only in law books not in life.

Elite English

What is right or wrong in English can better be judged by the native speaker of English only, particularly, the educated class of Londoners and residents of Eastern England only and that constitutes the RP (Received Pronunciation). If your English is not on a par with that English, it shall be rated as poor English or fractured English. The speakers of English as a second language have no choice or say. The second language always comes with ‘dependence.’ It is mother tongue only that makes one breathes independence. So, Elite English is used by the native speakers and the elite class of India – Professor emeritus, learned Amici Curiae of Hon’ble Courts; top flight journos, who take pride in reading and subscribing The Washington Post’ The New York Times,  Daily Telegraph, Evening Standard, USA Today, and so on, the reasons are best known to them; the Indian English newspapers that faithfully follow the pattern and pith of foreign English newspapers only, of course, with their partisan outlook to Indian, Indian political parties and netas; and of course, a few blessed netas who are said to have studied at Harvard University, Cambridge University etc, and had the opportunity to rub shoulders with native speakers of English.

The characteristic qualities of this elite English are: it is based on ‘phrases’ (group of words); it relies on standardized sentences; it defies translation into any other language; it can better be learnt by following and living with the native speakers only. To a second language learner, who tries to understand it through his/her mother tongue, it sounds very confusing and clamoring. Here are some examples:

‘Kejriwal is in the habit of jumping the gun’ (to act without due caution).

Be ready to pull your punches (to speak in an honest way without trying to be kind)

I want to get back to nature

(Return to simple village life)

Rahul Gandhi is yet to learn the ropes (to know how to do something correctly etc.)

Don’t drive under the influence (do not drink and drive)

The days are drawing in (daytime is getting shorter)

The taps are running dry (no water from taps)

The government will bleed the people dry and make them beggars. (Impose more and more taxes and make them beggar)

I have pins and needles in my left leg (a tingling sensation in a limb in Hindi: paer so gaya hai)

So there are hundreds of such examples that make the basis of elite English.

What is noteworthy, this elite English is also the base of almost all the competitive exams for government services like SSC, UPSC, Bank, Judiciary etc. The most of the aspirants who are from lower strata of the society, grapple with this elite English in exams and cut sorry figure, for, it can’t be learnt through translation; it can’t be learnt through mugged up grammatical rules or so-called vocabulary. Surprisingly, syntax and semantics that make the basis of Elite English, are not the part of curiculum for English language programme. And confusion goes on.

Queen’s English

It is reminiscent of the chaste British English, usually, used by the educated class of the British – in old time  by Viceroys and Lords. In his budget speech (March 26, 1903) as a Viceroy and Governor General of India, George Curzon says:

“We are ordained to walk here in the same track together for many a long day to come. You can’t do without us. We should be impotent without you. Let the Englishman and the Indian accept the consecration of a union that is as mysterious as to have in it something, divine, and let our common ideal be a united country and a happier people.”

To then highbrow British, Indians as a subject were no better than cockroaches and mices.

In India, by an estimate just 0.1 per cent people use this Queen’s English, and most of them are in judiciary (High Courts and Supreme Court), perhaps, studied in US/UK, and a few are in journalism and politics, and all these can be described as perfect progeny of Angrez (the English).

One, out of the herd speaking and writing Queen’s English (Macaulay rated them as ‘black English’) who seem like undesignated and unacknowledged Viceroy and Lords of the British regime, is hon’ble Shashi Tharror. His well imitated mockney accent, winged words couched in multifaceted sentences, make an average English knowing Indian strain his ears/eyes and scratch his head in order to make out what the great man intends to elucidate. Look at these Shashi Tharoorain expression:

”My new book The Paradoxical PM is more than just a 400 page exercise in floccinaucinihilipilification”.

Even in past, the over sententious Shashi Tharoor has used inconsequential words like: “lalochezia”, ‘farrago’, rodomontade,’ “wahaquoof” and “snollygoster”

Only he or God knows the right contextual meanings which are beyond the comprehension of this moron blogger.

Next comes the omniscient Oracles of law. Me Lords just pontificate and leave rest to the wisdom of the people to paraphrase. Not only to legal hawks but also layman, the interpretation becomes a subject matter of debate and discussion.

In sabarimala Verdict, Apex Court says:

“To exclude from worship, is to deny one of the most basic postulate of human dignity to women. Neither can the constitution countenance such exclusion nor can a free society accept it under the veneer of religious belief.”

Passing judgment in favour of passive euthanasia, SC says:

“The right to a dignified existence the liberty to make decision and choices and the autonomy of the individual are central to the quest to live a meaningful life.”

The blessed Angles and Saxons, the original native speaker of English would have never thought even in their wildest dream that after US and UK, English would flourish in India; and now a Britisher contends ironically that English may die in America and Britain in distant future but would continue to survive in India, and the last English knowing man on the earth would be an Indian.

Rahul Gandhi God-incarnate?

Humour

Rahul Gandhi God-incarnate?

“I seek out those in pain and embrace them. I erase hatred and fear. I love all living beings.”

By Mukesh Sharma

In an interview to a vernacular newspaper, the Congress Supremo Rahul Gandhi is reported to have said: “Congress is the party of the Muslim.”  To take the political leverage of the seemingly catchy statement, ever ready the sharpest knife of BJP Samit Patra rushed to favorite and favorable TV channels and pronounced his speaking judgment that Rahul Gandhi had played the communal card and had tried to polarize the populace which was a threat to secular fabric of India, and it did debunk the pseudo-secularism of Congress party . . . .blah blah.

Smelling the perceptible danger of alienating the majority Hindus, Rahul Gandhi quickly posted a great and grand TWEET:

“I stand with the last person in the line. The exploited, marginalized and the persecuted. Their religion, caste or belief matter little to me. I seek out those in pain and embrace them. I erase hatred and fear. I love all living beings. I am the Congress.”

Virat Swaroop of Rahul Gandhi 

The tone and tenor of the tweet reminds me of Lord Krishna’s divine discourse where in X chapter of the Bhagwad Gita, Sloka 32, while revealing His Virat Swaroop (the colossal manifestation of the Self) to confused and cathartic Arjuna in the battlefield of Kurushetra, He says:

“Of creation, I am the beginning, the end and also the middle, O Arjuna; of the science (I am) the science of the self; of those who debate I am the dialect.”

Looking at the Virat Swaroop of Rahul Gandhi portrayed through the words, Rahul Gandhi detractors are in jittery. They fear Rahul Gandhi might don the garb of a saint in future. He may have the large following of disciples rather than Congress workers.

I too salute Rahul Gandhi with folded hands for his Virat Swaroop! May He be merciful to all the creation and creatures. Moral: nothing is impossible for a neta.

English, Incomprehensible Like a woman

Humour

English, Incomprehensible Like a Woman

Her moist juicy lips with cryptic smile superseding the smile of Monalisa of Leonardo De Vinci; the bulging bolstering breast that can make even a devout Muslim a pagan; well carved out waist surpassing the skill of Michel Angelo; her swing and swagger overtaking the beats of Beethoven

By Mukesh Sharma

Of course, it is a flabby fact! To majority of English aspirants learning English as a second language, particularly, from Hindi heartland, the most coveted English is like the inscrutable and incomprehensible legendary Menaka seducing rishi Vishwamitra. The naive so-called the lovers of English fall in love with the seemingly sleek and slim English at the very first gaze. But the gloating love remains unrequited, for, English wards off their all the overtures and advances ruthlessly. And like the jilted lover, the hapless lots continue to hold torch for the coquettish English until their last breath.

The spurned and obsessed lovers first try to understand the ‘anatomy’ of English – the curves and contour; her flowing auburn hair; glowing face with attractive mien and arresting eyes; her moist juicy lips with cryptic smile superseding the smile of Monalisa of Leonardo De Vinci; the bulging bolstering breast that can make even a devout Muslim a pagan; well carved out waist surpassing the skill of Michel Angelo; her swing and swagger overtaking the beats of Beethoven; the hallowed navel, an epicentre of attraction making a bystander imagine that the heaven is not far off; even to a casual onlooker, English appears like living mannequin of erotica.

The majority of so called ‘language trainers’ claim that the thorough knowledge of grammatical rules ‑ noun, pronoun, adjective, verb, adverb, preposition, conjunction and interjection coupled with understanding of tenses - present indefinite .... modals.... can bring an English aspirant close to English. But all this turn out to be the tall claims of Indian netas. However, western scholars contend that English grammar is wanting. It may help to woo but not win the heart of English. The well known English writer Thomas Carlyle goes a step further and says: “Best grammarian are the worst writer and the best writers are the worst grammarian.”

Interestingly enough, English aspirants are legion. They are ready to pay any fee. English speaking course is a flourishing business with collective turnover of crores of rupees in India. What is more, in the most of competitive exams for government services conducted by SSC, UPSC, etc , English paper is mandatory. Sheer nodding acquaintances with English don’t work. Irrespective of all the affirmations, English is the unassailable language of elitist class and ruling class. Article 348 of the Indian Constitution clearly states that English shall be the official language in High Courts and Supreme Court. So the respected mother tongue remains at the mercy of English.

Further, to take advantage of the psyche of dejected aspirants, some self styled ‘teachers’ have even shunned their Indian names and have ‘baptised’ themselves with English sounding names without any ‘Church service’ so that they can pass them off as a ‘next of kin’ of English, and draw and fool the flock. It is a common sight in well known hub of coaching centres at Mukherjee Nagar, North Delhi. “It is a mandi of English”, says a local property dealer ironically. The most of the such so called English gurus claim to be the great grammarian having so phenomenal knowledge of English that they can find mistakes even in English of Shakespeare and Wordsworth. Amusingly and seemingly being blissfully ignorant of the stature of the word ‘Sir’, these ‘gurus’ suffix their names with ‘Sir’.

Among the Indian, the attraction of English is more than the gravitational pull of Jupiter. To them, it is the symbol of status; symbol of class; symbol of intellect. Hon’ble MP Shashi Tharoor mesmerises the ‘crowd’ with his flowery English and accent. Over the years, Republic TV Editor Arnab Goswami has carved out a niche in the hearts of the ‘herd’ with his bold and bullish English.

Despite all English gurus there is a sizable number of students who are not able to either understand or know the ‘custom’ of ‘English’, and such people turn ‘misogynist’- hater of English. She is allegedly rated as a woman of loose morals. Such people argue that the rampant flirtation of English has led to several illegitimate progeny - American English, British English, Canadian English, Welsh English, Irish English, Indian English etc. Some self proclaimed linguists maintain that though genetically related to Sanskrit, English has made off with words from almost all the languages and stands as the most corrupted. Even celebrated Anglo Irish satirist and author of Gulliver’s Travels Jonathan Swift also endorses the view. And the latest jibe against English has been made by none other than the Hon’ble Vice President of India M Venkaiah Naidu: “English is like an illness left behind by the British.”

Anyway, in the light of all these inconclusive never ending squabble, the much sought after love-lady English remains incomprehensive despite all the clash and crush.

FREEDOM TO COURT AND CUCKOLD

Humour

FREEDOM TO COURT AND CUCKOLD

“Judgement is like an idea of a river without its banks”

By Mukesh Sharma

Surprisingly enough. the Oracles of Law took 158 years to understand that a woman is not a commodity or property of man,  and out of collective wisdom of the bench declared the Section 497 of IPC (Indian Penal Code)  as unconstitutional and archaic. However, the IPC which was conceived and created in 1860 by the sharpest knife of the British regime Lord Macaulay for the Indian subjects, would continue to rule the Indian judiciary.

Though ‘Right to Have Sex’ doesn’t figure in much-touted Fundamental Rights, Sir Oracles have endorsed it through their historic observations, a watershed:

Adultery can be a ground for divorce but not a criminal offence: Justice Deepak Mishra

Husband is not the Master of wife: Justice Y.D. Chandrachud

What is noteworthy, the Oracles of law in all spirit and overtone, have concurred with the great and garrulous minds ¬ poets and writers of wayward West.

An English American poet, Wystan Hugh Auden in his poem entitled To Christopher Isherwood,(1930), says:

Let us honour if we can,
The vertical man,
Though we value none,
But the horizontal one.

A promiscuous American poet Ogden Nash goes further and in his poem entitled Sweet Home give vent to his outpourings:

Home is heaven and

Orgies are vile,

But you need an orgy

Once in a while

The renowned American novelist Joseph Heller in his novel Catch 22 (1961) opines:

Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble. 

Yet another American British Screen writer Frederic Raphael in his script to Darling,  minces no words and gets it straight:

Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time.

Hurt by Hon’ble Oracles’ rulings, some ‘narrow’ minded men arrogantly argue that complete ‘autonomy’ to a woman may ‘upset the Apple Cart,’ as an autonomy to J&K may lead to secession of the state from India. “The Oracles rulings have hurt the male pride” says a male-chauvinist vehemently. “Be it a minister or minion, a woman has to lie down beneath the man.”

Some skeptical men from ‘lower strata’ contend that so-called historical judgement may trigger off ‘sex war’ in the society, and dismantle and demolish the age old ‘sacred’ institution of marriage in India as in Western world. “The judgement is like an idea of a river without its banks” says an old timer grudgingly. “The English did understand the complexities but the ‘black’ English failed.”

However, all the mighty and moneyed, men who are and now wish to become ‘Sugar Daddy’, welcome the judicious ‘move’ with three cheers. They maintain that sex is the most sought after natural fun that a man has without laughing. The freedom to fair sex to court and cuckold would take ‘love’ to a new height even unknown to Epicurus.

Of ‘Gandhi’ Tree

(Humour)

Of ‘Gandhi’ Tree

The clamorous claim on the ‘tree’ has become a nonsensical ‘national’ dispute between Name Changer Gandhis and Game Changer Modi

By Mukesh Sharma

Our learned forefathers had discovered the medicinal and religious importance of plants and trees ages ago. Charak Samhita by rishi Charak, a worldwide acclaimed ancient treatise is authenticated even by modern pathologists and physicians. Among the vast variety of vegetation, the most revered are: tulsi (holy basil), a household name in India; neem’s medicinal properties are known to the world; peepal (sacred fig) has deep cultural significance in India; banyan is worshipped by the Hindu for their strong religious belief, and it is said Mahatma Buddha attained enlightenment under this tree only.

However, the mainline ‘gangs’ so called national political parties have come out in open to stake claim on this miracle ‘Gandhi’ tree. It has become a more serious property dispute than Ram mandir temple at Ayodhya. Of course, the dispute is beyond petition. Even overactive Oracles of law would not dare to step in. On 2^nd October, the day of the birth of the said tree, the poor populace watched the drama of netas at Sevagram Ashram (where Mahatma Gandhi is said to have spent 11 years of his life).

Though the tree in question is 150 years old which was planted by the respected Gujarati couple一Karamchand Gandhi (father) and Putlibai Gandhi (mother) at Porbander, a coastal town in Kathiawar, Gujarat, the property ‘hawk’ have set their eyes on it (tree) to grab and usurp.

The much talked ‘Gandhis’ stake their claim on the basis of their ‘surname’. But documentary evidences indicate that their claim is not beyond doubt. What is noteworthy, the real ‘Gandhis’ are silent on the issue. In fact the history of Gandhi surname can be traced in Gujrat and Punjab一there are so many renowned Gandhis一Rustom K.S. Gandhi (1924-2014, an Indian Navy Admiral), Sorab K Gandhi (Prof Emeritus at Ranssellaer Polytechnic Institute), Devang  Gandhi (an Indian cricketer) and so on.

Interestingly, the real Gandhis are not the party to this dispute. It is the doubtful ‘Gandhis’ who are the  First Party.

The doubt get credence by the oft-told interesting story and that goes like that:

Thousands of moon ago, a devout Muslim from Junagadhi area of Gujarat, named Faredoon Jehangir marries a Parsi woman after converting her to Islam. In old times, surname used to be the window to day-to-day life of a person. So all the grocers selling grocery, oil, ghee etc would suffix their name with ‘Ghandy’’ derived from Sanskrit  word gandh (smell). So the full name of that Muslim was Faredoon Jehangir Ghandy.  Influenced by the fierce freedom struggle of then Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (now Mahatma Gandhi), young and handsome son of aforesaid muslim Firoz Jehangir Ghandy changes the spelling of his surname from ‘Ghandy’ to ‘Gandhi’. Now historically known as Firoz Gandhi. He marries the daughter of then political star Jawahrlal Nehru, Priyadarshini Nehru. After the marriage, she also changes her maiden name to Indira Gandhi. Out of the wedlock, two baby boys are born - Rajiv Gandhi and Sanjay Gandhi. In his youth, the former falls in love with an Italian chic, named Edvige Antonia Albina Maino. K.M. Rao, an author of An Indian Dynasty  alleges: “ the strong crush makes Rajiv Gandhi to change his religion and he embraces Christianity (Catholic) to marry Maino. He becomes Roberto and the marriage is solemnized in church as per Christian custom. The love-birds are blessed with  two kids 一Raul (sonl) and Bianca (daughter). And later for the reasons best known to the family, Raul becomes Rahul Gandhi, Bianca, Priyanka Gandhi, and their respected mother becomes Sonia Gandhi.”

Now the latest news is that overgrown ‘boy’ has become Janaudhari pandit and also a devotee of lord Shiva that too overnight.

Even the chameleon would shy to see the way the netas change their ‘colours’.

Irrespective of vehement claim, made by ‘Gandhis’, the First Party, the common people contend that they are not lawful and rightful claimant to ‘Gandhi Tree’.

 At this juncture, another ‘party’ joins this so called ‘national dispute’ as a Second Party. And they claim that Mahatma Gandhi is Father of Nation, and India is their Bharat Mata. So they are the only legal heir and legitimate claimant to the tree. Taking the wind out of the sail and stealing the march, the Second Party has decided to celebrate 150 years of birth anniversary of the tree in a big way and the celebrations would continue till 2 October, 2020. 

Axiomatically, if the ‘First Party’ is Name Changer, the Second Party’ is Game Changer! The dispute has become a clamorous claim and nonsensical national dispute between Gandhis (the First Party)  and Modi’s BJP (the Second  Party)

However, the common people believe, true to their self, the selfish netas seldom uphold the virtuous values the grand old ‘Gandhi’ Tree stands for. They eye up its national importance based on the reverence and trust of teeming millions in India and across the world.