Approved Slums of Delhi

Approved Slums of Delhi

 Though these ‘unauthorized approved colonies’ are in Delhi, unlike DDA’S well-planned colonies, they have  their own world; no master plan is applicable; no SC or NGT rulings matter

By Mukesh Sharma

With over 895 unauthorized colonies scattered through the length and breadth of this sprawling Delhi where DDA/MCD rules seldom matter, and the proud owners of so-called residential structures ranging from 25 sq yds to 250 sq yds erected in zigzag dingy lanes with varying width from 4ft to 15ft., are approved slums in Delhi; and the proud house owners are the slum lords.

Reasons for growth

Though a few colonies are as old as 40-50 years, the most of colonies have mushroomed in the last 15-20 years. The reason of the growth of such colonies is steeped in corruption. As per available datas, there were approx. 209  villages in Delhi. Then authorities concerned handed over the adjoining lands for agriculture purpose to villagers centuries ago. With the course of time, these farmers stopped cultivation. Furthermore, such lands were acquired by DDA for planned residential colonies in order to meet the demand of ever increasing population. However, some lands couldn’t be developed for a long time for the reasons best known to the authorities. These abandoned parts of land were re-sold by the land owners illegally. Later the land which were not acquired, were also sold out by the paper owners. Furthermore, woken up after decades, the authorities concerned could not remove such unauthorized constructions for political and other reasons. Such colonies fall under the category of PRIVATE COLONIES.

Unique features

Though the most of such colonies are unauthorized, some 40-50 years old colonies have been surprisingly,  re-categorized with the well-coined nomenclature “unauthorized approved colonies”. Such colonies have unique features.

No conveyance deed

Taking advantage of the ignorance of unsuspecting buyers, the ‘ownership’ of the plot/flat is transferred through notarized GPA (General Power of Attorney)  –  not a valid conveyancing instrument.  Thus stamp duty/taxes are evaded comfortably  –  no mutation, no registered sale deed.

Construction on Khadar Land

What is more, unmindful of consequences and, allegedly, in collusion with the local authorities so called  owners  erect 4 storey structures even in 5-10ft. narrow lanes. Needless to say, in the event of any fire incident or any unforeseen natural calamity, no help can reach the trapped victims. The situation of the most of colonies standing on ‘khadar’ land nearby Yamuna river is very vulnerable where foundation is laid on loose sand. But who cares? Authorities get wiser only after the event in India. So rampant unauthorized constructions are going on for the reasons best known to all.

Approved Slums of Delhi

Sewer and water lines

Yet another catching feature of these unauthorized approved colonies, is sewer and water line run parallel in all the streets/lanes. When water pumps are used to draw water from main line to fill the overhead water tanks placed on the rooftops of 4 storey houses, it sucks the dirty water from ever full and seeping sewer line. Interestingly enough, nobody cares for the rules/ by laws. What is more, to replenish the water supply to overhead tanks, in the event of non-supply of tap water, the people use submersible pumps to extract water from earth with scant regard of NGT rulings -  there is provision of 50k penalty for unauthorized pumps. In fact it is common knowledge that no construction is possible without the soil water. So almost all the houses have submersible pumps with 'good' understanding with local police.

Flowing nullah

As far as the drains running through the street line of each serpentine lanes are concerned, it mostly remains  choked. It is not easy for the MCD workers to take out the muck and clean it. So they just sweep the streets as they wish and enjoy the salary without doing the required work. As a result, during rainy season, the waterlogged streets look like a flowing nullah. Furthermore, it is ‘customary’ in such colonies that the proud house owners stick out the ramp at the exit gate of their houses to nearly the middle of the narrow street; they take pride and pleasure in causing the inconvenience to immediate neighbors and passersby.

Stray dogs and pigeons

There is no park or any recreation centre in these colonies. But each such colony does have a religious place according to the majority of populace, and these places are,allegedly, used for meeting and other non-religious activities. Such colonies are also 'sweet home' for stray dogs, for, they are permanent residents by birth. Even MCD respects their birth right. These dogs  are unchallenged  rulers of each street. And flock of pigeons  reigns the roof tops of each house. These colonies are ideal place where the man and animals live happily.

No master plan applicable

Since the much touted master plan is not applicable to these colonies of ‘special status’, they are the favorite hunting ground for running any kind of business; one can run government approved primary or secondary school, any factory or any other business even in narrow lane, if one is prepared to pay for convenience.

Vote bank

Braving all the pertinent problems, the slums lords (house owners) who live by rental income, continue to enjoy inhibited life. It is alleged that these colonies are veritable vote banks of the netas; authorities concerned continue to maintain the status-quo. Though these unauthorized approved colonies are in Delhi, unlike DDA’s well planned colonies, they have their own world; no master plan is applicable; no SC or NGT rulings matters.

An Ode to Pappu

An Ode to Pappu

Strange law of nature and country,

Some rise by gravity, some fall by levity

By Mukesh Sharma

Chubby fair face,

A dimple on cheek,

Pappu, a quality hybrid,

Of Indo-Italian breed.

Kurta-pyjama clad,

Walks one hand in pocket.

Dada Firoz, Maa Christian,

But he’s Janau-dhari Pandit.

Known in the world,

For doing nothing.

Thinks a little,

Before uttering something.

His Mama's Baby

He recants and raves,

Unmindful of wrong or right,

He’s his mama’s ‘son’,

With flickering light.

He knows nothing,

About rhetoric or ethics,

But has mastered the art,

To lie through teeth.

With little knowledge,

Whatever he says.

Fondly it becomes,

Joke of the day.

Though just an MP,

His pile in crores.

Out on bail himself,

Calls Chowkidar Chor.

His mama’s most,

Pampered baby.

Boasts and bluffs,

Babble s like a crazy.

Battery of tutors,

Teach him ropes,

Still people feel,

He’s little hope.

He topped the exam,

As a single candidate,

Today of a family party,

He’s a preferential president.

Breathing for its chief,

His party sneeze and squeeze,

Above all dissension,

And discussion, he is.

His family members,

Do dribble and drool.

People of India,

Are nothing but fool.

His mama’s dearest wish,

And hearty pray.

May Pappu  become,

PM one day.

Strange laws,

Of nature and country.

Some rise by gravity,

Some fall by levity.

‘Bhagirathi’ of Signature Bridge

(Satire)

‘Bhagirathi’ of Signature Bridge

Much touted bridge on Yamuna, Delhi, eventually, comes into being after 14 years of wait; delayed chronically, now many self-styled ‘Bhagirathis’ have come forward to stake claim on ‘praises’ for the ‘feat'

By Mukesh Sharma

There is popular saying that Ganga was destined to dawn on the earth from heaven but the credit was taken by Bhagirathi (a king of Kosala, a kingdom of ancient India). What is noteworthy, for Ganga there is only one Bhagirathi but for the Signature Bridge, many ‘Bhagirathis’ have come out to lay claim -  Honest CM of Delhi and Hon’ble MP of East (he has not been invited even in inaugural ceremony) and many other nonentities.

The project which was started off with all political enthusiasm by then netas of then government to appease the ever neglected North-East Delhi, a huge vote bank of migrants from UP and Bihar with the projected cost for Rs 700 crores in 2004, has reached to a whopping sum for Rs 1500 crores in 2018.

Though the Signature Bridge project dragged on for long 14 years for one or other reasons, the people contend that the possibility of a ‘scam’ can’t be ruled out. In India, to the corrupt,the most of the developmental projects  are milch cow; they continue to milk the 'cow' till the inauguration.  Corruption is the staple diet of Indian politics;  in the span of 14 years, Singnature bridge project, must have made many millionaires.

Expecting laurels, the authorities concerned call it an “iconic structure” that has come up with the technical and material support from China, Italy, Spain, Germany and Switzerland. Had it been exclusive Indian ‘handiwork’, the project would have taken 20 years more. Says authorities concerned, “as a new symbol of capital, the bridge will give a panoramic view of city.” “The bridge is an answer to London Bridge and Golden Gate Bridge of San Francisco” adds an official proudly.

Irrespective of ends and means, comparative developments and progress are made in India only; Noida expressway is also an answer to European roads; hundreds of people have lost their lives in multiple piles-up, perhaps, because of some faulty construction , people allege,  and that has become the order of the day. The road seems to be jinxed.

Authorities reveal that the bridge would be thrown open to LMV and Bikers from Sunday (4 November, 2018) on “Trial Basis Only”. God forbids, if the bridge fails the trial test, it might be shut down. In fact, the work is still not complete. It may take another six months for the completion of “observation desk” to be used to have a “panoramic view of the city”: murky water of Yamuna with nullah dirt; Majnu ka Tila with waving Tibetan flags and buntings; Nigambodh Ghat; jhuggi cluster at old bridge; lutyens Delhi at front where live netas, the rich ‘servants’ of poor ‘public’; hordes of informal settlements in rear; shanties at right, nearby Mukherjee Nagar.

Anyway, despite usual political squabble, among several ‘Bhagirathis’, the front runner the 'Honest' and Hon’ble CM of Delhi would inaugurate the bridge on Sunday (4 November, 2018), hopefully with oft-repeated statement: only an honest government could have made it possible.

 But the unspoken truth is that the bridge is being opened under the pressure and intervention of Delhi High Court where the authorities concerned filed an affidavit to open the bridge in October, the last month. Moreover, elections are drawing nearer. During election time, all netas become humble servants of janta.  Diwali is also round the corner. To Hon’ble CM, it is, politically, the opportune time to give the Diwali gift,the Signature Bridge to valued voters. So what if the bridge is not complete yet.       

India Need to Observe Halloween

(satire)

India Need to Observe Halloween

Hosts of evil spirits ­– ignorance, inoccupation, poverty, communalism, corruption and crime have possessed India; no hope of redemption in near future

By Mukesh Sharma

Despite all tall talks and tall claims, right from first PM to incumbent PM, the helpless and hapless India so-called largest democracy in the world seems to have been haunted by the evil spirits – ignorance, inoccupation, poverty, communalism, corruption and crime. The situation is getting from worse to worst day-by-day. Generation after generation, the poor populace has been hoping against hope but in vain. The wily netas are quick to manufacture datas and figures to portray a rosy picture. But ground realities are poles apart. It appears nothing is working – no religious rituals or prayers are answered at any place of worship. This blogger sincerely believes, like the wealthy West, India need to observe ‘halloween’ to ward off the evil spirits; after all, India is a country of belief and it may work.

The much scary day of Halloween has just passed by. Each year, it is celebrated on 31 October in US and other parts of the West. It has its origin from ancient celtic festival of Samhain. Going by their belief, people light bonfire and wear scary masks to ward off ghosts with other fascinating activities like trick or treating, carving jack-o-lanterns, festive gathering, donning weird costumes and eating sweets treats besides Church services, prayer, fasting and vigil. The festival is also called All Halloween, All Hallows Eve and All Saint Eve.

An old timer alleges, the evil spirits possessed the nation at the time of partition of India (1947) well conspired by the Britisher with the help of a few then self-styled netas; the innocent teeming millions lost their lives just for the whims and wants of handful of netas; later the curse of millions gave rise to evil spirits and it possessed the netas too and turned them into Zombies; and these Zombies further divided India into Hindus, Muslim, Sikh and Christians; the Zombies didn’t stop here, they further split the populace into dalit, schedule caste, schedule tribe, OBC (other backward classes) etc., there is no Indian left in India except in passports.

The old timer further adds, no Diwali, Holi, Eid, or Christmas brings amity; on the contrary, it gives rise to jealousy – bigotry and zealotry.

Concurring with the assertions of old timers, the survivors (the poor people) with utter dismay and distress maintain, the zombies (netas) have made their gangs so-called political parties. The Zombies are so powerful that thousands of unfortunate people from under class join the gangs, for, they believe that they can’t avoid rape so they must enjoy it. The powers of Zombies are phenomenal; if they sneeze, it will be heard throughout India; even their ‘farts’ reverberate all the corners of India – all newspapaer and TV channels carry their words (farts). The over shrewd Zombies call themselves ‘servants’ of people. Ironically, so called servants live like kings and knights of ancient time; ride spanking new cars; fly in air; roll in money, and the people so called masters live in abject poverty, not better than the flightless insects. When the Zombies organize rally, thousands of unsuspecting people throng the place just for their darshan (have a glimpse). Some lesser souls contend that these zombies are God unto themselves; they have started even doubting the existence of God when they look at almighty Zombies.

So wisemen suggest if nothing is happening, like West, India should also start observing ‘halloween’ in order to keep off the evil spirits – ignorance, inoccupation, poverty, hunger, communalism, corruption and crime, and their cruel and crooked representatives, Zombies. Belief is stronger than reasons.

Farting Netas

(Humour)

Farting Netas

A neta can stoop to any extent to win the farting competition; when arguments cease farts begin

By Mukesh Sharma

Though all the Homo sapiens make wind and that everyone knows, exits from the right place, a neta is an advanced version of man, and he can fart not only from natural hole provided by the nature but also from the mouth. Over the years, the stock of such ‘super human’ neta is on the rise, particularly, in India.

Some fart like the hiss of a snake. It is a warning to stay away; the next move is to squirt deadly poison. Some fart like the sputter of fire-crackers. It is like a caution to be careful; a pre-emptive strike. Some fart loud like the sound of bugle; it is like declaration of a war on the adamant adversaries who are supposedly, responsible for their present pitiable plight from good to bad. The most dangerous of all these farting netas, is the one who while farting, doesn’t make any sound and releases such an ‘evil’ smell that can send millions into concussion without the aid of anesthesia.

Farting Neta

A neta has a phenomenal farting capacity. He can chew and fart out at the same time; a divine digestive powers! His fart is more threatening than gunfire; the bark is more harmful than bite. Unlike a common man, a neta can fart at anytime and at any place as per his convenience and comfort; he is ever ready like a terrorist who waits the chances to sabotage. A common man can face police, ED, CBI or any other agency but not the fear of fart of a neta.

To a neta, the best place to fart is the Press Conference. Whenever, he has an urge, he calls the press conference; TV channels and newspapers are always ready to get the whiff of the fart of a celebrated neta; a good fart is the staple diet of the media, for, it adds to TRP (television rating point).

Yet another right place for the fart is the rally where the people from underclass gather in return for cash and kind; it is a mobile crowd; one day it may be with one neta and the other day with another. Anyway, it helps a neta to create an illusory perception that he is a popular neta. What a neta doesn’t understand is a neta is temporary but the people are permanent.

The world over, India is known as a country of festivals – from Holi through Eid and Christmas to Kumbh Mela. But all these festivals are for the commoners. So-called hon’ble netas celebrate a very special festival that is called Fart Festival. Unlike the festivals of common people, which fall on fixed day every year, it comes after every five years. It is celebrated by the netas with all fury and fervor, for; it can make or mar the future of a neta.

This year, the much awaited fart Festival is being celebrated in five states in India –  Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan, Chhattisgarh, Mizoram & Telangana; assembly elections are due in the states this year.

Netas of all political hues are on the pitch; they think that their quality farts can get them to a seat of power to loot and boot people for five years. So a fierce competition is going on for the farts to demolish and discredit the opponents; the competition seems tougher than UPSC exam.

Succeed by hook or crook is the buzzword. A neta can stoop to any extent to win this fart competition; when arguments cease farts begin.

Though there is no dearth of good ‘fartmen’ in any political party, the so called Indian National Congress is the frontrunner; divested of power after 70 long years, it (INC) has lost its mental balance; bereft of real issues, it has allegedly started manufacturing lies with concoction and conspiracy to nail down PM Modi, the most ‘feared’ man by the opposition as ‘animals’ fear the lion in jungle.

Happy in the knowledge that India is the largest democracy in the world, and Indian constitution provides the guarantee for Freedom of Expression (Act 19), netas think they can ‘defecate’ and ‘piss’ anywhere as they want.

Mani Shankar Aiyar, a seasoned neta of Congress, decrepit by age  calls Hon’ble PM Modi “neech” (a man of base origin). A Congress MLA Praneeti Shinde (daughter of Sushil Shinde, the former Home Minister in UPA Government)  calls  Modi “Dengue Mosquito”. A protégé of  Rahul Gandhi and Vadgam (Gujrat) MLA, Jignesh Mewani crosses all the limit and calls PM “namak haram”. Angrez of India and so called Hon’ble MP Shashi Tharoor never loses the opportunity to use ‘invectives’ against PM Modi since the initiation of Criminal proceedings in “Sunanda Murder Case.” To top all, the “loose tongue” “Pappu” calls Modi “chor”.

 People know the truth about these farting netas. Farting netas have nothing to do with national or public interest. They fart rigorously and vigorously for self-preservation and self-aggrandizement. In fact, all these fartmen are scared of mystic Modi – a Yogi who knows how to control the ‘wind’, breathe in and breathe out. He knows how to romp a race.