The Awkward Age

The Awkward Age

A complex and complicated age of sexual attraction, obsession, insinuation, friendship, relationship, dream, hope, discoveries, realisation and confusion

By Mukesh Sharma

Life is a playground of different ages  – childhood, youth, middle age and old age. In other words, to a foetus, mother’s womb is the playground; to a baby, mother’s lap is the playground; to little kids, school is the playground; to youth, this world is the playground. When a boy enters into manhood, when a girl enters into womanhood, he or she has to face umpteen unforeseen and unexpected challenges. It is this age that lays the stepping stone of future life; it is this age that can make or mar the life. It won’t be wrong to call it the Awkward Age.

Though each age has its own pleasure and pains, the Awkward age is the most complicated and complex  –  it is the age of soapy sexual attraction; it is the age of obstructive obsession; it is the age of infiltrating insinuation; it is the age of fierce friendship; it is the age of relentless relationship; it is the age of harbouring hopes; it is the age of dashing discoveries; it is the age of retributive realisation; it is the age of chaotic confusion.

The Awkward Age

Sexual attraction

Be it male or female with the development of secondary sexual characteristics, one starts feeling one’s body sexually – all erogenous zones get activated. The rush of testosterone and progesterone make one feel the urge for sex. It is for pure physical needs that one gets attracted, unconsciously, towards the opposite sex. Hunger makes living beings to look for food. It is not easy to control or curb the instinctive desires. Further, opportunity gives rise to thoughts, thoughts to desires, and desires to action.

Since man is a slave of desires, very often unbridled desires land him in problems. The mind occupied by unsavory wants is a Satan; it prods body to fulfill desires. After food, sex becomes the priority; life goal is sidelined; self-esteem is set aside. A man becomes an animal, and animals can’t see beyond a few steps. When a life-giving river crosses its banks, it causes flood, death, and destruction. A sex-hungry man is a devil in darkness and a gentleman in daylight; he keeps up the appearance for the fear of society and law only.

The remedy for the disease lies in the mind itself which is epicentre of all the actions and reactions. Fulfilment of desires doesn’t control mind. In fact, mind can be controlled by the mind only; it can be both, the best friend and the worst enemy; it hates opposition; it hates suppression. However, mind loves compliance.  Deviation from the path of thoughts without fighting can be the best solution. Mind can be reined in with the breath and work only. A yogi controls mind with breath, and a worldly man with work. Keep mind occupied. If solitary, don’t sit idle; if idle don’t be solitary. An idle mind is the house of Satan. A preoccupied mind in the pursuit of goal keeps the rave thoughts away. Sex is not purpose of life but it is a means of life.

Obsession

Next enemy of budding men and women, is obstructive obsession; it enters unnoticed. When an adult male or female finds someone attractive, physically, psychologically, intellectually or spiritually, he or she develops obsession; it may be developed without any response from other ends. This unrequited love leads to obsession. Of course, good is best, if you have not seen the better. Comparison demeans. And here is the cure for the obsession. Look for the better one than the good one. Obsession shall be cured. Choice brings the cheers.

Insinuation

Yet another deadly enemy of youth is infiltrating insinuation. Easy victim is one who follows the auto-suggestion that a particular person is perfect to fill the void. Here a few exchanges of glances, eye contracts in silence and occasional touch-ups are misconstrued as love rather than physical needs. The gravity of a woman body is not less than gravity of earth. Even the best flyer must fall, if one is not into space beyond the gravitational pull. The best remedy for the insinuation is to take the eye off the object allure. Heart doesn’t grieve what eyes don’t see. Out of sight, out of mind is the buzz-world.

Friendship

Youth is an age of friendship. And it is here, the most youth fall prey to fierce friendship, and often end up paying heavy price. In this utilitarian world, a true friend who is beyond selfish ends, who is away from mathematical calculations of profit and loss, is an extinct species. However, far from home, one comes across many faces in his or her daylong struggle. Here, usually, nodding acquaintances are misconstrued as friendship. Says David Tyson, “true friendship comes when the silence between two friends is comfortable.”

No doubt, a true friend can be an asset; a comforting counsellor; he is always there when you need him most; he always stands by you through thick and thin; one can rest one’s head on his shoulder and can shed tears; he is your bedrock strength. Late Arun Jaitely who was college friend of Rajat Sharma, is said to have changed the life of today’s renowned anchor and owner of India TV ( Rajat Sharma). Late Rajiv Gandhi who was close friend of Amitabh Bachchan, changed his life by introducing him to then famous actor Mehmood, and that ushered him to film world. With the birth in a family, one is blessed with hordes of relatives; no choice if relatives are not good but God is kind enough to allow you to choose friends of your choice. While true friends make life, false friends mar the life. So beware of false or fake friends. Keep off callous and shallow friends. An open enemy is better than false friend. Listen to reasons and inner voice that will guide you to choose true friends.

Relationship

Unfulfilled desires make a young man or woman enter into a relationship. Indian society is not promiscuous; unlike west, it is still governed by social mores and strong belief; and beliefs are stronger than reasons. Any relationship against the social conventions is rated as illicit. Such relationship is casual and circumstantial; it is not based on love or trust. Someone has well said: a relationship without trust is like a car without a petrol, you can stay in but it won’t go anywhere.” A bad relationship will make you feel more alone than when you were single. Says Socrates, “The hottest love has coldest end.” Keep tab on wanton desires. Don’t enter into any illegitimate relationship. The best way to avoid it think of your beloved mom or dad dreaming to see you as a successful person in life. Fast food satisfies hunger instantly but spoils health for good.

Dream

A youth without dream shall be treated as dud. A well defined dream can be a driving force in one’s life. So it is not bad to have dream. But fulfilment of dream doesn’t come by mere having it. Dream comes true with perseverance and patience; it requires indefatigable industry and incessant efforts to take on failures. Mind you, success is just one step ahead of failure. Commenting on dream, APJ Abdul Kalam says:

“Dreams are not

what you see in

sleep, it is the thing

which doesn’t let

you sleep"

The desire for the fulfilment of dream must come from within; it must not be induced. If one loves one’s dream as a man loves the body of a woman during love encounters, no dream can go unfulfilled.

Hope

What breath is to body, hope is to life. What is noteworthy is hope often brings misery when one becomes more hope centric than karma.   Action ensures success not sheer hope. ‘Action’ is present and ‘hope’ is future. Present is in our control, not future. Hope without action is meaningless. Every action is preceded by a cause which leads to effect and finally the result. None can prevent the cause from producing its effect. Don’t hope, harness natural forces and resources and achieve the cherished goal of life. The poet Wordsworth puts the crux in his touching words:

“The eye can’t choose but see,

We can’t bid the ear be still,

Our bodies feel where’er they be

Against or with our will.”

Do your best, leave the rest to the free will of God.

Discoveries

Youth is also the age of dashing discoveries. Each youth is Christopher Columbus who has to discover his own ‘America.’ One acquires knowledge through exploration and discoveries. It gives one the first-hand experience related to different aspects of life. One learns to distinguish between right and wrong; one comes to know two wrongs don’t make it right in life. The empirical knowledge makes one enjoy the whiff of truth; it is this knowledge of truth that fulfills a man/woman at the end of the day.

Realisation

With the knowledge of truths, comes the realisation. However, lofty falsehood is, it is short lived. However, fragile the truth may appear, it lasts for ever. Truth can’t be created; it always exists in nature; it is to be discovered by the seeker. Youth must be a truth seeker.

Confusion

The Awkward age is characterised by the chaotic confusion. It is a state of mind when you are not able to reach any concrete conclusion: what to do, how to do, where to go, how to get there. Confusion eats away confidence. In fact, inexperience breeds confusion. Man is born as ‘inexperienced’ but dies as ‘experienced.’ So confusion is an inherent quality. Whenever, overcome by confusion, act like a child; it always gets its confusion cleared by asking questions after questions. Inquisitivity and inquiry clear the confusion. Put all the answers to your questions to test. Truth will come out. Follow truth religiously. Learn from confusion; learn from mistakes; learn from failure. You are the best teacher of yourself. Beware of false or fake teachers. Their end is not your success but your money. Commenting on confusion, Henry Miller rightly says: “confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood”